How are you doing?
I have no idea
My mind is blank,
Well, apart from fear.
I thought I’d be okay
Push a smile up, into my cheeks
Tick the jobs of my to-do list
It will be over in a few weeks.
Then it hits.
But my lungs weren’t affected
Instead it was my heart,
My Grandma had been infected.
Diagnosed with pneumonia,
Low oxygen levels too,
I couldn’t tell her to fight
There was nothing I could do.
The hospital phoned
She’s on end of life care
A chance to say goodbye
A chance that is now so rare.
With my plastic apron knotted
A mask covering my mouth and nose,
I squeezed my sweaty palms into latex,
This is it,
‘They are just making her comfortable,’
My thoughts and I waited
How do you prepare yourself for this?
That feeling, I honestly hated.
I couldn’t keep my feet still
They paced up and down the freckled floor
Don’t touch your face, I reminded myself
What would I find behind that door?
The room was silent
I walked over to her bed
She looked so peaceful but…
Suddenly my words evaporated
Everything I wanted to say
How can you sum up a lifetime in five minutes?
I just took her hand and held on.
She opened her eyes and nodded
When I finally found something to say
When I left, I told her that I loved her,
And that everything would be okay.
A few days later, the hospital phoned
Grandma had tested positive for Covid-19
That tiny piece of hope, that I’d see her again
But I was so grateful that I had already been.
But it didn’t stop my heart from aching
Or my tears falling with frustration
And because I’d visited her in the hospital,
It was now time to start self-isolation.
The thought of her dying alone
No family around her bed
Did she understand that we hadn’t abandoned her?
My heart ached with guilt and dread.
She passed away peacefully,
But it just wouldn’t sink in
I said goodbye when she was still alive,
I needed closure, something to click within.
But the funeral is tomorrow
Only six are allowed to attend,
So, I’ll be watching it alone, live from my room
That I’m there I shall pretend.
The arms I usually take comfort in
Are living in a different house to me,
But hearts are breaking worldwide,
Thousands of lives ending tragically.
But we must hold on to hope
Scatter love; help each other out
If we follow the government’s guidelines,
We shall be freed from social drought.