Negatively Positive

How are you doing?

I have no idea

My mind is blank,

Well, apart from fear.

 

I thought I’d be okay

Push a smile up, into my cheeks

Tick the jobs of my to-do list

It will be over in a few weeks.

 

Then it hits.

But my lungs weren’t affected

Instead it was my heart,

My Grandma had been infected.

 

Diagnosed with pneumonia,

Low oxygen levels too,

I couldn’t tell her to fight

There was nothing I could do.

 

The hospital phoned

She’s on end of life care

A chance to say goodbye

A chance that is now so rare.

 

With my plastic apron knotted

A mask covering my mouth and nose,

I squeezed my sweaty palms into latex,

This is it,

I suppose.

 

‘They are just making her comfortable,’

My thoughts and I waited

How do you prepare yourself for this?

That feeling, I honestly hated.

 

I couldn’t keep my feet still

They paced up and down the freckled floor

Don’t touch your face, I reminded myself

What would I find behind that door?

 

The room was silent

Dimmed lights

Blinds shut

I walked over to her bed

She looked so peaceful but…

 

Suddenly my words evaporated

Everything I wanted to say

Gone.

How can you sum up a lifetime in five minutes?

The memories,

The love,

I just took her hand and held on.

 

She opened her eyes and nodded

When I finally found something to say

When I left, I told her that I loved her,

And that everything would be okay.

 

A few days later, the hospital phoned

Grandma had tested positive for Covid-19

That tiny piece of hope, that I’d see her again

Shattered.

But I was so grateful that I had already been.

 

But it didn’t stop my heart from aching

Or my tears falling with frustration

And because I’d visited her in the hospital,

It was now time to start self-isolation.

 

The thought of her dying alone

No family around her bed

Did she understand that we hadn’t abandoned her?

My heart ached with guilt and dread.

 

She passed away peacefully,

But it just wouldn’t sink in

I said goodbye when she was still alive,

I needed closure, something to click within.

 

But the funeral is tomorrow

Only six are allowed to attend,

So, I’ll be watching it alone, live from my room

That I’m there I shall pretend.

 

The arms I usually take comfort in

Are living in a different house to me,

But hearts are breaking worldwide,

Thousands of lives ending tragically.

 

But we must hold on to hope

Scatter love; help each other out

If we follow the government’s guidelines,

We shall be freed from social drought.

2 thoughts on “Negatively Positive

  1. So beautifully illustrated.

    Like

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